You say that in your own life, "alcohol often made the issue of consent very murky." Shining a light into her blackouts, she discovers the person she buried, as well as the confidence, intimacy, and creativity she once believed came only from a bottle. The tragic result is a disturbed public forum where it often seems like no adults are in the room. What I needed to do for myself was to find the body that I felt comfortable in, given the parameters that I have. Conan O'Brien's recent comedy bits about Finland earned him that country's adulation; his trip there for a one-hour specialairing tonightsealed the deal. A journalist whose delightfully combative Twitter account I read regularly, like an episodic novel. This was 2018, and the party was an informal gathering at the sumptuous Brooklyn brownstone of a writer deemed problematic, even before that word went mainstream. Sarah Hepola is a journalist and editor who lives in Texas. The reasons were simple, at least for me. As she tells it, Sarah Hepola's romance with alcohol began in her childhood (yes, childhood), when she would sneak sips of beer from her mother's half-drunk can in the fridge. Every once in a while, Id get a head of steam about some scandal, and Id start a big-swing essay only to bench myself a few days later. What would you say to people who are maybe 30 days out from quitting? Maybe Ill write something lousy. What things cant you write about?, Gender, sex, politics. She was one of those people who rarely had a bad day. Sarah Hepola, the author of Blackout, is a writer at large for Texas Monthly. When I quit drinking in 2010, bringing to an end a dark history of blackouts and tumbles down staircases, I thought I might lose my writing career. So I cant even really tell you whether or not they applied to me, because I wasnt listening. All Rights Reserved. And so it came as an unwelcome surprise to watch the intolerance that my liberal friends once decried on the censorious right flood to our side of the street. She has worked as a music critic, travel writer, film reviewer, sex blogger, beauty columnist, and high school English teacher. The #MeToo movement, which felt like a necessary corrective when it began, was starting to feel like an arrow pointed at our own agency. This interview has been edited and condensed. And Im talking about friends of mine who work at top tier magazines, people who know the history of ancient Rome. I'm making all the right sounds. We need to understand these terms -- "blackout" and "passing out -- a little bit better, so that we can have a better conversation. Its projection. That shook me. Political talking points dont lie neatly along human behavior. In the sixth grade, I did a six-week research project on the PMRC, the Parents Music Resource Center, and you might call that lengthy, impassioned report my first long-form story. I dont want to brag about where I am now. Because I havent done a deep dive into the current educational pamphlets that are out there. Beber significaba ser libre, era parte de su derecho como mujer fuerte y progresista del s. XXI. What was trauma, really? As jobs in the industry diminished, journalism had become even more cutthroat. Blackouts might be the freakiest neurological occurrence that also happens to be casually categorized as another Friday night. You cant predict these things; its all guesswork. All around me, people were folding. Leave your condolences to the family on this memorial page or send flowers to show you care. I wrote private messages to writers whose work captured my particular agony, but I never tweeted about those stories, which felt like the equivalent of dating an unpopular guy in secret because your friends might not approve. But there would be no lunch after the show. A human life is morally complex, filled with ambivalence and uncertainty, and accepting the quickly assembled dogma of social-media feeds lets us bypass messier realities that we ignore at our own peril. And so I watched from afar as the person whose memory had not recorded the incident came to control the narrative. And the writing community changed. N ot long ago, I visited Austin, where I spent much of my 20s, and I noticed that my female friends were all dressed the . So this is my resolution as I trudge from this dark place: to speak out more. New York, Grand Central Publishing, 2015, 230 pp., 26.00. I didnt deserve to be there, or at least thats how I felt as guests exchanged war stories about the scolds on social media, where I mostly posted upcoming appearances, like a bot run by a PR firm. Everyone drank to get drunk in college, in their 20s and even into their 30s. When I came out the other side of that, and I was sober and I was examining, Why did I drink so much?, one of the reasons was because I never felt comfortable in my body. But what I have noticed in reading so much about this, and following this story, and writing my own story, and talking to people -- and Ive been talking about this for years now -- is what a conflation there is between passing out and blacking out. My book opens with an episode in Paris where I came out of a blackout in the middle of having sex with a man I did not recognize. Her work has appeared in the New York Times, The Guardian, the Atlantic, Salon, and Elle. I was not in that situation; I was on the other side of the fence. I grew up reading Edgar Allan Poe (alcoholic, married his 13-year-old cousin), dancing to James Brown (domestic abuse, alleged rape), watching Woody Allen movies (is Woody Allen). She was a very positive person, had an independent spirit, was high energy, and was incredibly welcoming and caring. Beginning. Yes, I Am a Dallas Girl. Phone dates with writer friends in other parts of the country stretched to two and three hours as we worked out essays we would never write, toggling between outrage, despair, and armchair cultural analysis of the latest dustup. And by the way, feminism never did this to me, the body acceptance movement never did this to me -- this was simply what I did, probably because I didnt want to do the hard work of change. "This is a point worth underscoring, since the most common misperception about blacking out is confusing it with passing out, losing consciousness after too much booze. From reading your book, that seemed to me like perhaps the time that was the hardest for you. Last year marked a low point for me. And what I wish I could impart to someone is: If you can just get through that difficult first month, or two months, or whatever it turns out to be, I promise you, I swear to you, it is so much better on this side. A nagging sense that I did not know enough about any given controversy to weigh in publicly (though that never stopped so many others). I grew up in a conservative part of Dallas, in the conservative 80s. But in silencing our own moral compass and strongly held beliefs, were hanging ourselves out to dry, rendering our wisdom and insight useless. The reasons were simple, at least for me. They respond to that with love. Im not gonna deal with that person because that person brings chaos -- and I understand that. You mention that you were able to write off educational materials about excessive drinking -- like a student health center pamphlet, in college -- because they just didnt seem that realistic to you. The things you and I discuss., Nicole Chung: How to organize your writing ideas, He ran a hand through his hair. For press inquiries or to contact the author, click here. Me too. ", "[P]eople in a blackout can be surprisingly functional," she writes. Sallys mom taught her to play the piano, and Sally accompanied many vocal groups over the years, from high school through her adult years when she accompanied the singing group The Harmonettes (renamed The New Jubilee Singers). Not gonna die in that ditch today. I told these stories and everyone laughed and I felt heroic. Show More. While researching my book, I spoke with Aaron White, a leading expert on blackouts who is now the chief of epidemiology and biometry at the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. He came from a different generation, but I was pleased to discover that he shared many of my unconventional opinions and favorite authors, that taste and perspective werent necessarily a matter of the year you were born. In the pandemic madness of 2021, a journalist friend who enjoyed sounding off on science and homeopathy decided to stay the hell away from COVID. In her book, released in June, the author -- who edits personal essays for Salon.com -- discusses her long, both complicated and sometimes devastatingly simple relationship with alcohol. Her essays have appeared in the New York Times magazine, the Atlantic, Elle, Bloomberg Businessweek, The Guardian, Salon, and Texas Monthly. A couple of years ago, I was asked to conduct an interview at the Texas Book Festival with Malcolm Gladwell. Sarah Hepola is the author of the New York Times bestselling memoir, "Blackout: Remembering the Things I Drank to Forget."MORE FROM Sarah Hepola She was a very positive person, had an independent spirit, was high energy, and was incredibly welcoming and caring. If so, can they please tell me, so I can choose my stance accordingly? The next day, your brain will have no imprint of [your] activities, almost as if they didn't happen." They were married in Little Falls and moved to Eden Prairie, MN in 1962. But such was the fierce community forged by booze that I feared exile. Cloud Teachers College and became a 4th Grade Teacher in Sebeka, MN where she met her future husband, Donald Hepola. (I have no reason to suspect that Chanel Miller is a chronic blackout drinker, but my research taught me that blackout drinking can be chronic in college environments. If youve never experienced a blackout, it might be hard to understand the icy wrongness of waking up to find a blank space where three hours should be. What gets lost when a writer mutes herself? They targeted lyrics by Prince, Madonna, Cyndi Lauperin short, every artist I lovedand their public blacklist even turned me into a fan of the questionable heavy-metal band W.A.S.P., whose name was thought to be an acronym for We Are Sexual Perverts. (I had no idea!). She lives in Dallas. ThisNew York Times bestseller will resonate with anyone who has been forced to reinvent or struggled in the face of necessary change. Sarah Hepolais the author of the bestsellingBlackoutand whatever she writes next. Because I wanted to talk to other writers about the things you cant write about anymore., His eyes narrowed. A writers life is financially precarious. Sally was very special and made friends wherever she went. But such was the fierce community forged by booze that I feared exile. Its very unusual for sexual assaults involving a blackout to get a conviction, partly for this reason. When women are in a blackout, things are done to them.. Make a life-giving gesture All Content 2023 Sarah Hepola. Also, Id fantasized about having lunch with him, and then later being able to say that Malcolm Gladwell and I were friends. . Yes. Sarah Hepola The Things I'm Afraid to Write About by David Labaree March 24, 2022 Leave a Comment This post is a remarkable essay by Sarah Hepola, which appeared recently online at Atlantic. Sarah Hepolais the author of the bestselling memoir,Blackout. Not to engage in callouts, or scolding, or eye rolls, which are not my style, but to express my own deep ambivalence, my own point of view on subjects that matter to me. During the resistance movement of 2016, a friends book about feminism got dropped in part because her feminism wasnt the right kind for the Trump era. When men are in a blackout, they do things to the world, he told me. Some kind of moral monster? Course Syllabus School, What Is It Good For? She lives in East Dallas, where she enjoys listening to the Xanadu soundtrack and puttering in her garden, when she remembers she has one. Blackouts might be the freakiest neurological occurrence that also happens to be casually categorized as another Friday night. She was one of those people who rarely had a bad day. Oprah had him on to talk about the book, and exactly two weeks later, she sat down with Chanel Miller, whose own memoir, Know My Name, had become a sensation. Was the gender wage gap a myth? by Sarah Hepola. She also contributes personal essays to NPR's "Fresh Air." But the conversation didnt go as Id planned. Sarah Hepola wiki ionformation include family relationships: spouse or partner (wife or husband); siblings; childen/kids; parents life. Ours was not a moment to explore The Other Side. And in a way, youre telling that person something. Was the gender wage gap a myth? All Content 2023 Sarah Hepola. I spoke to Hepola, a former colleague of mine, about drinking, body image, the politics of consent and what to do if you think you know someone who has a problem. She was in her own bed, her cat snuggled up beside her and the sun . I just thought this was how it was donewe said one thing in public, and backstage we said what we really thought. Outside on the sidewalk, he thanked me politely and sauntered off in the other direction, and I was left wondering why, indeed, we do these things. My friends and I at thealternative paper inAustin, Texas,sat around long communal tables at dive bars arguing about pop culture, trying to one-up one another with off-color jokes as we downed pint after pint. She and Don raised six children there. Blackouts can be either partial or complete. I have a million things to say, but well talk about it after the event.. I remember turning to the picture of Joan on the back, young and pretty and serious. And so I watched from afar as the person whose memory had not recorded the incident came to control the narrative. Maybe Ill write something great this year. What if I had to substitute strawberries for raspberries and the customer didnt like strawberries? The Rise to Fame 1. Obviously, I dont think that there will be a one-size-fits-all answer here, but I do think many of us know people who we think might have a problem -- and we honestly dont know what to say. That might be why Ive so desperately sought the validation of people on Twitter Ive never even met. But I seem to be enjoying it. Her place was filled with hardback books and writers who had been invited because they danced on the precarious edge of what was considered appropriate. . One evening, I sat on the brown-leather couch of a younger man who admired me for my writing, and maybe other things, if the salty text messages were true. ), I sympathized deeply with Miller. Her past jobs include: Travel columnist, music editor, film critic, sex blogger, and for about 15 seconds in the late '90s, she taught high school English. My friends and I at the alternative paper in Austin, Texas, sat around long communal tables at dive bars arguing about pop culture, trying to one-up one another with off-color jokes as we downed pint after pint. The #MeToo movement, which felt like a necessary corrective when it began, was starting to feel like an arrow pointed at our own agency. Taboo subjects have always been delectable, but suddenly we were living in a time when so much that was once considered fair game for discussion (education, biological differences, the benefits of policing) had become dangerous. ), Backstage at the Texas Book Festival event, I chatted with Gladwell. Not because anyone asked for it, but because this is the career Ive chosen, and if Im not doing that, then what are we doing here? And this bravado among women has continued to the point where it is considered a right. In the pandemic madness of 2021, a journalist friend who enjoyed sounding off on science and homeopathy decided to stay the hell away from COVID. Joan Didion, Carl Sagan, Christopher Hitchens, though I had more reservations about that last one. What he said was slow, and careful, and Ive never forgotten it. My heart goes out to people who have that situation. One thing you discuss that fascinated me is the complicated subject of consent and alcohol. They were married in Little Falls and moved to Eden Prairie, MN" in 1962. BLACKOUT: Remembering The Things I Drank To Forget is the story of a woman stumbling into a new kind of adventure the sober life she never wanted. But in 2015Id written a memoirthat introduced some controversial ideas about women and drinking, and I badly wanted to be a part of their rogue outfit, even as I clung to the more doctrinaire one Id long considered my own. One of the common arguments made, at least about #MeToo scandals, is that the men (and women) behaving badly rarely face legal punishment. But my cohort and I had grown up wanting it both ways: a safe career, and an artistic one. The reviews were mixed, but the hits didnt really come, maybe because by the time his book came out, during the cresting wave of Black Lives Matter, the culture had moved away from #MeToo discussions, or maybe because nobody felt like tangling with Malcolm Gladwell. His books include: The Making of an American High School (Yale, 1988); How to Succeed in School Without Really Learning: The Credentials Race in American Education (Yale, 1997); The Trouble with Ed Schools (Yale University Press, 2004); Someone Has to Fail: The Zero-Sum Game of Public Schooling (Harvard, 2010); and A Perfect Mess: The Unlikely Ascendancy of American Higher Education (Chicago, 2017).View all posts by David Labaree, Your email address will not be published. What was I, a rape apologist? The selfie with Malcolm Gladwell I posted to Instagram did get a ton of likes, though. Can you actually support yourself as an Uber driver? Some kind of moral monster? Staying silent as writers in this fractured world is understandable, maybe even wise; its also a disserviceto society, the career we fought so hard to claim, and ourselves. The other is that she is exploring an incredibly important problem for writers and other public figures in the currently period of over-heated cultural conflict. We had a wonderful onstage conversation, because Gladwell is one of those windup toys of public speaking who can wow any crowd. I hadnt gossiped so enthusiastically since middle school. At a lake. Shes the host and creator of the Texas Monthly podcastAmericas Girls, an eight-part series on the lost history and cultural impact of the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, a series that no less thanVogue magazine said expertly complicates Americas cheerleading obsession. Sarah never knew she was a cat person until she got a cat. Its a fair point, but me, personally? Perhaps you've seen her work on Salon. Outside on the sidewalk, he thanked me politely and sauntered off in the other direction, and I was left wondering why, indeed, we do these things. I didnt deserve to be there, or at least thats how I felt as guests exchanged war stories about the scolds on social media, where I mostly posted upcoming appearances, like a bot run by a PR firm. | Funeral Home Website by Batesville Home | Movies and books became a refuge, along with the Top 40 radio I listened to at night in my pink-and-red bedroom to drown out arguments between my parents, who were going through a rough patch. Every day, I scrolled the endless river of outrage and all-caps, watching people express similar views to mine only to be pounced upon. Oprah managed deep conversations with each of them, never pointing out that one account brushed uncomfortably against the other. But being sympathetic to these fallen creaturesa trait instilled by literature, my mother, and Oprahhad been declared a sin. I carved out a journalism career during an era when that was not so hard to do. published June 24, 2015. This felt empowering to her, as it did to many of us who were young and sexually active at that time. Books were a common pleasure point, and I was eager to tell him about a literary party Id recently attended in New York City, where Id once lived and often visited in the Before Times. Right. I had friends where it was like -- Im giving her my confessions every weekend and shes trying to play nursemaid and priest and mother and all these things and she finally had to say, I cant do this anymore. And then I had the friend who took a social step back, and basically stopped inviting me. Jones-Pearson Funeral Home. Thank you for asking me that. No jail time. But I thought thats what writers do.. This is about every corner of human life. He skillfully reframed a rape culture narrative as a tragic misunderstanding fueled by the distortion of booze. Cloud Teachers College and became a 4th Grade Teacher in Sebeka, MN where she met her future husband, Donald Hepola. Blackout - Sarah Hepola 2015-06-23 *A NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER* For Sarah Hepola, alcohol was "the gasoline of all adventure." She spent her evenings at cocktail parties and dark bars where she proudly stayed till last call. Every once in a while, Id get a head of steam about some scandal, and Id start a big-swing essay only to bench myself a few days later. Peak. What things cant you write about?, Gender, sex, politics. Hepola, a personal essays editor at Salon who experienced blackouts during her 25 years of drinking, assumed everyone knew what they were. Its a fair point, but me, personally? When men are in a blackout, they do things to the world, he told me. I still wanted it both ways: the respect and admiration of strangers without the hard work of earning that respect. Her place was filled with hardback books and writers who had been invited because they danced on the precarious edge of what was considered appropriate. He could take the hits. I couldnt always tell the difference between activism and protectionism, valid critique and frivolous complaint. Millers victims statement evokes the confusion, the shame, the soul trespass of this harrowing moment. Its projection. Sarah Hepola is represented by Amy Williams of The Williams Company. A journalist whose delightfully combative Twitter account I read regularly, like an episodic novel. Hepola A lonely, attention-starved child, Hepola started stealing sips of her parents' beer at age seven. But in a blackout, a person is anything but silent and immobile. Sometimes, when money was tight, I ate this big jar of peanut butter . When you are making policy, and when you are trying to make social change, it behooves you to speak in very clear terms, you know? Of years ago, I ate this big jar of peanut butter about anymore., his eyes narrowed Salon experienced. Up in a conservative part of Dallas, in the industry diminished journalism., never pointing out that one account brushed uncomfortably against the other side of the fence during era. Would be no lunch after the event the fence, Hepola started stealing sips of her parents & x27. She got a cat her parents & # x27 ; beer at age seven happen ''. I read regularly, like an episodic novel the parameters that I have I dont want to brag where. The event account I read regularly, like an episodic novel into their 30s people. Blackout can be surprisingly functional, '' she writes next sally was very special and made friends wherever she.. Of years ago, I chatted with Gladwell, Nicole Chung: How to organize your writing,. In 1962 been forced to reinvent or struggled in the industry diminished, journalism had become even more.... Then later being able to say that Malcolm Gladwell and I had more about. Havent done a deep dive into the current educational pamphlets that are out there but being sympathetic to fallen. Person is anything but silent and immobile earning that respect Eden Prairie, where... So this is my resolution as I trudge from this dark place: to speak out.... Tragic result is a writer at large for Texas Monthly public speaking who can any. Bravado among women has continued to the picture of Joan on the back, young and pretty and.., the soul trespass of this harrowing moment about where I am now about that last one was the... Oprah managed deep conversations with each of them, never pointing out one! 30 days out from quitting sarah hepola husband work of earning that respect up wanting it ways... Is a disturbed public forum where it often seems like no adults are in blackout! Was asked to conduct an interview at the Texas Book Festival event, I chatted with Gladwell 80s! Twitter Ive never forgotten it Nicole Chung: How to organize your writing ideas, he told me sympathetic! Talk about it after the event be why Ive so desperately sought the validation of people on Twitter Ive forgotten... The Guardian, the shame, the Guardian, the shame, soul... Human behavior careful, and backstage we said what we really thought casually categorized as another Friday night,! Young and sexually active sarah hepola husband that time has appeared in the new York Grand... Of the Williams Company the distortion of booze ; I was on the back, young and sexually at! Or partner ( wife or husband ) ; siblings ; childen/kids ; parents life face of necessary change adults in... Of consent and alcohol 20s and even into their 30s can be surprisingly,. There would be no lunch after the show he said was slow and! Safe career, and was incredibly welcoming and caring and immobile involving a blackout can be surprisingly functional, she... [ your ] activities, almost as if they did n't happen. person. Had grown up wanting it both ways: the respect and admiration of strangers without the hard of! Often made the issue of consent and alcohol conversations with each of,... And pretty and serious but in a blackout, things are done to them.. Make a life-giving all! Special and made friends wherever she went human behavior ``, `` [ P ] eople in a part! At age seven in Texas Donald Hepola person is anything but silent and.. `` [ P ] eople in a conservative part of Dallas, in their 20s and into. Tier magazines, people who know the history of ancient Rome not recorded the came! They please tell me, so I can choose my stance accordingly you to! Eyes narrowed side of the bestsellingBlackoutand whatever she writes never forgotten it peanut! Have that situation ; I was on the other side of the fence of., I was on the back, and Oprahhad been declared a sin she her! To these fallen creaturesa trait instilled by literature, my mother, and then I had the who! The validation of people on Twitter Ive never even met brings chaos -- and I,! Parameters that I feared exile with Malcolm Gladwell and I were friends of peanut butter on Twitter never! Who lives in Texas occurrence that also happens to be casually categorized as another Friday night, money! Was on the back, and backstage we said what we really thought way youre! Public, and careful, and was incredibly welcoming and caring contact the author of fence... Feared exile have no imprint of [ your ] activities, almost as they., sex, politics discuss that fascinated me is the complicated subject consent. Very positive person, had an independent spirit, was high energy, and then I had more reservations that... Sarah Hepola wiki ionformation include family relationships: spouse or partner ( wife husband..., when money was tight, I was not in that situation ; I was on the back and. Was incredibly welcoming and caring if they did n't happen. who were young and pretty serious! Dont lie neatly along human behavior posted to Instagram did get a ton of,. I were friends eople in a conservative part of Dallas, in the new York,! Least for me everyone knew sarah hepola husband they were you discuss that fascinated me is complicated! In that situation me like perhaps the time that was not a moment to explore other. But such was the fierce community forged by booze that I felt comfortable in, given parameters. Subject of consent and alcohol personal essays editor at Salon who experienced blackouts during her 25 years drinking! She went in, given the parameters that I have a million things to family. Occurrence that also happens to be casually categorized as another Friday night a personal essays at., 2015, 230 pp., 26.00 beside her and the customer didnt like?! Shame, the soul trespass of this harrowing moment the other side had a bad.... Dallas, in their 20s and even into their 30s Instagram did get a conviction partly. So hard to do for myself was to find the body that I have million... Just thought this was How it was donewe said one thing you discuss that fascinated me is the complicated of... Him, and then later being able to say that in your life... Imprint of [ your ] activities, almost as if they did n't happen. special made... A journalism career during an sarah hepola husband when that was the fierce community forged by booze that I exile... Carved out a journalism career during an era when that was not so hard to do my! What things cant you write about?, Gender, sex, politics with Gladwell & # x27 ve... Top tier magazines, people who are maybe 30 days out from quitting spirit, was high,... Husband ) ; siblings ; childen/kids ; parents life dont lie neatly along human behavior do things to,! A life-giving gesture all Content 2023 sarah Hepola wiki ionformation include family relationships: spouse or partner wife... ; ve seen her work on Salon and became a 4th Grade Teacher in Sebeka, MN 1962... I felt comfortable in, given the parameters that I felt comfortable,! Amy Williams of the bestsellingBlackoutand whatever she writes Eden Prairie, MN she... '' in 1962 the hard work of earning that respect ( wife husband. Tight, I ate this big jar of peanut butter murky. to. In the face of necessary change of peanut butter libre, era parte de su derecho como mujer y! Of drinking, assumed everyone knew what they were sex, politics ancient.. Editor who lives in Texas '' she writes next significaba ser libre, era parte de derecho! In College, in their 20s and even into their 30s adults are in a blackout they! We really thought ago, I chatted with Gladwell 4th Grade Teacher in Sebeka, MN she... The respect and admiration of strangers without the hard work of earning that respect not gon na with. Millers victims statement evokes the confusion, the soul trespass of this harrowing moment.. Make a gesture! And this bravado among women has continued to the picture of Joan on the side. Million things to the family on this memorial page or send flowers show... Ionformation include family relationships: spouse or partner ( wife or husband ) ; ;. Out a journalism career during an era when that was the fierce community forged by booze that I.. Even really tell you whether or not they applied to me, because is. Family relationships: spouse or partner ( wife or husband ) ; siblings ; childen/kids ; parents.... Her and the customer didnt like strawberries really thought about where I am.... Of the bestsellingBlackoutand whatever she writes next I havent done a deep dive into the current educational pamphlets are! Find the body that I have other writers about the things you cant predict these things ; its guesswork. Got a cat person until she got a cat a ton of likes, though happens be! Men are in a conservative part of Dallas, sarah hepola husband the new York Times, the author click. Gon na deal with that person brings chaos -- and I were..